Have a Laugh
The Arrogance of Authority
A DEA officer stopped at a farm in the Great Southern and talked with the old farmer.
He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."
The farmer said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government behind me !"
.Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the farmer.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The farmer nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old farmer heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the farmer's prize Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
The best lawyer story of all time...bar none.
The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a Salvos volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The Garden of Eden - A Women's Perspective
God created the Garden of Eden and then a woman, whom he named Eve, to tend it. After a while God took time out of his busy schedule to visit Eve.
"So, how's it going Eve. Is the garden to your satisfaction?"
"Oh yes, it is delightful God, I love it here. There is one problem though... It's this middle breast. It tends to swing about and push the other two and they catch in branches. I really think I'd prefer not to have it."
"Well", said God,"Bear in mind you are a prototype, so modifications are to be expected. but you are right. I chose three as most other creations have six, but I thought you would only need half that number. Here, let me fix that."
And he plucked off the third breast and threw it into the bushes.
It was some time before God returned to the garden, but return it did...
"How is everything Eve? Are you happy with just two breasts?"
"Oh yes thanks God, it is so much more comfortable without it, but there is one more thing... I notice all your other creations in the garden have a mate, but I have no one. It gets so very lonesome here all by myself."
"Heaven's above", said God, (and he ought to know), "that was an oversight. I'll fix it right away."
"Now let me see, what did I do with that useless tit?"
You didn't really believe that rib story did you?