Have a Laugh

The Arrogance of Authority

A DEA officer stopped at a farm in the Great Southern and talked with the old farmer.

He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."

The farmer said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government behind me !"

.Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the farmer.

 "See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!  No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"

The farmer nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old farmer heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the farmer's prize Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.  The officer was clearly terrified.

The farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....                

"YOUR BADGE, SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE........! !"

The best lawyer story of all time...bar none.

The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a Salvos volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the Salvation Army?'

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the Salos rep mumbles, 'Uh... no, I didn't know that.'

'Secondly,' says the lawyer, ' did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?

The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'

The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry, I had no idea.'

And the lawyer says, 'So... if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?

The Garden of Eden - A Women's Perspective

God created the Garden of Eden and then a woman, whom he named Eve, to tend it. After a while God took time out of his busy schedule to visit Eve.

"So, how's it going Eve. Is the garden to your satisfaction?"

 "Oh yes, it is delightful God, I love it here. There is one problem though... It's this middle breast. It tends to swing about and push the other two and they catch in branches. I really think I'd prefer not to have it."

"Well", said God,"Bear in mind you are a prototype, so modifications are to be expected. but you are right. I chose three as most other creations have six, but I thought you would only need half that number. Here, let me fix that."

And he plucked off the third breast and threw it into the bushes.

It was some time before God returned to the garden, but return it did...

"How is everything Eve? Are you happy with just two breasts?"

"Oh yes thanks God, it is so much more comfortable without it, but there is one more thing... I notice all your other creations in the garden have a mate, but I have no one. It gets so very lonesome here all by myself."

"Heaven's above", said God, (and he ought to know), "that was an oversight. I'll fix it right away." 

"Now let me see, what did I do with that useless tit?"

You didn't really believe that rib story did you?

 
Never under-estimate the cunning of a woman
 
Her husband returns from the lake with no fish and decides to take a nap.
 
Although she is unfamiliar with the lake she decides to take out the boat herself. She motors out a short distance, anchors and settles back in the pleasant surrounding and opens her book.
 
Shortly afterwards she hears a boat and a park ranger pulls up alongside. "Good morning Ma'am", he says, "What are you doing?
 
"I'm reading a book."
 
"You're in a restricted fishing area."
 
"But I'm not fishing am I?"
 
"But you could as soon as I'm gone. I see you have all the gear in your boat. I'll have to write you an infingement."
 
"You do that and I'll report you for sexual assault."
 
"But I haven't touched you!"
 
"That's true, but you have all the equipment; you might at any moment."
 
"Have a nice day Ma'am." and he left. 

 

Seniors  and Computers

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eddy, the 11 year old kid next door 
whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eddy clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was a one D ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless enquired,

'A one D ten T error ? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned, 'Haven't you ever heard of a one D ten T error before?

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down:

1D10T

I used to like Eddy, the little $H1T.
 
   Photo credits: Banners - by Kelly Jones, i4design.com.au